Beat Down Burnout

You Can’t Reason with a Bully

You can’t reason with a bully. I’ve heard it time and time again and it’s true. You generally can’t reason, with a bully, and you can’t bully the bully either that simply escalates things. So how do you deal with a bully? Especially at work? Especially someone who’s probably in a position of power and protected by that?

Every workplace, I know of has a policy against retaliation. 90% of them aren’t worth the paper on which they’re written. There are no systems in place to protect the whistleblower. That shouldn’t be new information. How do you deal with the workplace bully?


I’ll tell you how I deal with them. I deal with them by talking to or speaking to their core values. now this isn’t fru-fru. This isn’t loving on them. I understand that people are people, and part of the problem

 is that some of these people are simply power hungry. Yet when you learn their core values and speak to their core values, it does something to the dynamics of the situation. It restructures that dynamic to where they don’t have the traction to start an argument. They don’t quite know how to respond to questions and comments when you first start speaking to them in their core values. They aren’t expecting this from you.


When you change that dynamic that drastically, they’re no longer in charge. Suddenly, there’s a level playing field and they’re not used to that. When you learn their core values, and you are suddenly speaking to them on that level playing field that dismantles that power structure. It also shines a light on everything that’s happening so that the other people around them somehow suddenly realize that they have been co-opted and recruited into the bullying dynamic. A lot of people don’t want to be co-opted into that bullying dynamic. When they suddenly see that they’ve been manipulated, they opt out.


 What I do is I teach people how to learn the core values of their colleagues and their coworkers, their administrators, their middle managers, and their supervisors. I give them the information they need to de-escalate situations with people in a position of power.


We use something called a Bankcode, or Bank personality code.

The bank code personalities, are all based on the values of the person to whom you are speaking. You use this information to find those core values and speak to those core values and defuse the situation. It’s used for conflict resolution. It’s used for negotiations. It’s used for customer service. It’s used for staff retention.


 If you’d like to do a deep dive on this we’re doing a workshop on 7/23/2022 called Effective Communication in the Workplace.

If you’d like something more intimate contact me and we’ll do a discovery call and see what we teach your needs.

Nanette Nuessle